Well, it finally hit me.
The emotion that had been bubbling to the brim, but not quite over, all week at seemingly strange times finally found it's way overflowing last night after Meet the Teacher. I'm sure those whom read this and my FB page may be a little tired of my whinning, but I am just shocked that I have reacted so strongly! I was a teacher. I consider myself a fairly strong person (yes, I know, those who know me are saying - but I did defy death without a tear for several hours!!), and Gracie too has always done so well with transition; eager to try new things and meet new people. I expected sentimental sadness, but not gut-wrenching emotional instability!!
Greg and I had prayed fervently about her school. And particularly all summer about "a teacher who will be best for her." I have no doubt that she is; for we laid it in God's hands, so we know He is "caus(ing) all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). And we had a very nice and friendly time with her. Gracie even took it upon herself to return to the room after initially leaving to tell her good-bye and give her a hug. Let me just tell you. My little one is sweet - but only when she wants to be. She cannot be persuaded, nor is she known for it by those who know her best. So that moment should give me comfort in knowing that she feels good about school and her teacher. Thank you Lord for that as a reminder of Your work in her little life.
There are other issues that I cannot write about here. Ones that I wasn't wanting to face just yet with her, and still may not have to in the way I am thinking on it now. But the Lord reminded me not only of the verse above, but also Jeremiah 29:11:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans for a hope and a future."
I know I have a battle ahead. I feel it in my spirit and God has been preparing me for it for a while. But I know this is His plan. He told our family that "you are a city set on a hill . . . let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (Matt. 5:14,16) We are up for that challenge, I am up for that challenge, but man, is it hard work. Gracie and Wes will be so prepared to face the world as long as we stay diligent in our teaching at home. You spend all their lives protecting them from all harm. Letting go little by little. And now the baby steps are gone. I feel like I'm throwing her to the wolves!
But . . .
"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of discipline." 2Tim. 1:7
The emotion that had been bubbling to the brim, but not quite over, all week at seemingly strange times finally found it's way overflowing last night after Meet the Teacher. I'm sure those whom read this and my FB page may be a little tired of my whinning, but I am just shocked that I have reacted so strongly! I was a teacher. I consider myself a fairly strong person (yes, I know, those who know me are saying - but I did defy death without a tear for several hours!!), and Gracie too has always done so well with transition; eager to try new things and meet new people. I expected sentimental sadness, but not gut-wrenching emotional instability!!
Greg and I had prayed fervently about her school. And particularly all summer about "a teacher who will be best for her." I have no doubt that she is; for we laid it in God's hands, so we know He is "caus(ing) all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). And we had a very nice and friendly time with her. Gracie even took it upon herself to return to the room after initially leaving to tell her good-bye and give her a hug. Let me just tell you. My little one is sweet - but only when she wants to be. She cannot be persuaded, nor is she known for it by those who know her best. So that moment should give me comfort in knowing that she feels good about school and her teacher. Thank you Lord for that as a reminder of Your work in her little life.
There are other issues that I cannot write about here. Ones that I wasn't wanting to face just yet with her, and still may not have to in the way I am thinking on it now. But the Lord reminded me not only of the verse above, but also Jeremiah 29:11:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans for a hope and a future."
I know I have a battle ahead. I feel it in my spirit and God has been preparing me for it for a while. But I know this is His plan. He told our family that "you are a city set on a hill . . . let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (Matt. 5:14,16) We are up for that challenge, I am up for that challenge, but man, is it hard work. Gracie and Wes will be so prepared to face the world as long as we stay diligent in our teaching at home. You spend all their lives protecting them from all harm. Letting go little by little. And now the baby steps are gone. I feel like I'm throwing her to the wolves!
But . . .
"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of discipline." 2Tim. 1:7
2 comments:
I'm afraid it doesn't get any easier. By the time they leave for college you will have forgotten the gut wrenching sobs that accompanied their first day of school. And, guess what? You will remember them as soon as they hit again. But, take heart, God is just as present with them on the first day of college as He was on that first day of Kindergarten. And His grace is sufficient for all of those gut-wrenching times.
Deut. 31:8
I will be praying as you head down this journey. God is so good and so sweet in leading us and I know he won't take us anywhere that He won't take care of us. I know myself because I would never have been able to walk down this road we are on without His strenth. I love reading your blog and I love seeing the children! You write beautifully! Thanks for sharing!
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